Type 1 diabetes didn’t just change how I ate. It changed how I cope.
This is the first post in a new weekly series where I document my battle with addiction and healing as a Type 1 diabetic. Every Sunday, I’ll share the ups and downs of quitting the things I used to rely on; not because I was weak, but because I was trying to survive. Maybe you’ll see your story in mine. Maybe you’ll share yours, too.
The Spiral Starts Small
I started drinking Diet Pepsi because nothing else tasted good.
I started smoking to fit in with a group that never really understood me.
I stared at screens because blood sugar swings took so much out of me.
And love? That felt like finally belonging… but really, it was just two people bonding over their own unspoken pain. Trauma meets trauma. It worked for a while.
Eventually, you feel like you’re living normally again. You’re caught up on your work, doing extra to stay distracted. It looks good from the outside, so you keep going. But inside, something’s not right.
The Mental Noise
Here’s what most people don’t see:
You become your own pancreas, and that means you become your own pressure cooker. Even when everything seems fine, there’s this buzzing thought in the back of your head: “You feel a little off right now. You might be dying.”
No matter how hard you try to keep control, something can always go wrong.
Your subconscious screams, “My body betrayed me. Why wouldn’t the world do the same?”
That thought follows you into everything. You chase perfection, not because you want to; but because if you don’t, you might just feel like a burden. Every routine becomes a battle for peace. And eventually, you crack.
Where It Led Me
I used to think: So what if I drink? Or smoke? Or binge sugar? I already have diabetes—what else could go wrong?
I leaned into whatever brought relief. Caffeine. Nicotine. Validation. Touch. Distraction. It worked… until it didn’t.
Sometimes I put the cigarettes down. Sometimes I stop drinking soda. But then the louder voice kicks in: “Just one. Just one more. It’ll fix everything for a bit.”
That voice never cared about my future. It only wanted comfort now.
The Shift
I’ve realized that the loudest part of my mind (the one always pushing me toward the next fix) isn’t the one that brings peace. That part wants survival, not healing.
But there’s another voice, a quieter one. That’s the one I’m learning to trust.
Dr. Aditi Nerurkar teaches a tool called the Stress Management Compass. It helped me understand why I was stuck. She says we can only make two big changes at a time, and it takes at least eight weeks to change a habit.
So here’s where I’m starting:
Today is my last Diet Pepsi.
That might sound small, but it’s not. It’s the first domino. I’m not rushing into every change at once. I’m pacing myself so the changes stick.
The Series Begins
Every Sunday, I’ll post a new update. I’ll share what worked, what didn’t, and what I’m learning about addiction and regulation as a Type 1 diabetic trying to truly live.
If you’re trying to quit something, I hope you’ll follow along. If you’ve already broken free, I’d love your advice.
Call to Action
Are you a diabetic living with addiction?
Are you trying to quit something you picked up just to feel okay?
Or maybe you’ve already broken the cycle—what helped you start?
Drop a comment or send a message. Your story could help someone else start theirs.
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